Bootlegs I: Songs for Toddlers on the Human Condition
by Jonah Rank
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Digital Album
Immediate download of 13-track album in your choice of MP3 320, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire.Buy Now $5.41 USD or more
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A.M.E.N.
04:38
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Three Chords
03:32
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Scribble Squabble Intro
01:40
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Scribble Squabble Tense
00:25
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Scribble Squabble Outro
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Leave Yourself Behind
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about
At long last, the world has gained access to vaults containing thousands of seconds of unreleased Jonah Rank recordings!
Presented in this first volume of "Bootlegs" is 40+ minutes of original music never widely released by Jonah in an official album format. Often for good reasons!
Anyway, come get your digital hands on this digital album starting at a low, low digital price!
Not sure if you want the album? Download some of the free tracks that are sure to be instant classics: "If I Knew You Was Comin'," "Like a Rolling Stone," and more!
Presented in this first volume of "Bootlegs" is 40+ minutes of original music never widely released by Jonah in an official album format. Often for good reasons!
Anyway, come get your digital hands on this digital album starting at a low, low digital price!
Not sure if you want the album? Download some of the free tracks that are sure to be instant classics: "If I Knew You Was Comin'," "Like a Rolling Stone," and more!
credits
released 15 November 2011
All songs written, recorded, performed, mixed, mastered, and produced by Jonah Rank; except where noted.
Album art by Sam Guzik.
All songs written, recorded, performed, mixed, mastered, and produced by Jonah Rank; except where noted.
Album art by Sam Guzik.
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license
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- Track Name: Jonah Rank featuring Marina Evans - Brave New Wool (A Story of Bleating Love)
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Jebediah was a Barbados blackbelly sheep with a biblical name.
He was a romantic ruminant who was chivalrous and tame.
Paulette was a science fiction novelist who never had time for the country life.
She spent her days grazing as a typist in the field and paper running rife.
Though they were the same species, Jebediah worked harder than she.
As a part-time lumberjack, he would daily chop down a tree.
His lumber would then be turned to paper in a highly industrial zone.
Though capitalism supported them both, they both felt quite alone.
They were bleating love. They were bleating love. They were bleating love all alone.
Paulette had sent the first run of her novel Ringwool to go to press.
She got a call though from Mr. Wolf to say the printer was in a mess.
Mr. Bear had a paper jam, and half the staff had been laid off.
And the company had invested all of their funds in Mr. Madoff.
She hung up the phone and shrieked a scream as she suffered this shearing madness.
Jebediah heard Paulette’s yell and saw that sheep stand in her sadness.
He asked her what happened, and treading tears, she told him of her caper.
Upon hearing the story, in all of his glory, he said, “Well, I make paper.”
They were bleating love. They were bleating love. They were bleating love all along.
“These are the blueprints of my book” showed Paulette to this pastoral pariah.
He said, “Let me get to work. And, by the way, my name is Jebediah.”
“Before I forget, my name is Paulette,” she said, “but you must think I’m a nut.”
But as he took the rough draft in his claws, he got a paper cut.
“Do you have a bandage?” he asked, but then he said “Wait, never mind!”
Paulette said, “Sorry, Jebediah. But, hey, at least you’re not going blind.”
But then she realized, “Oh wait, there’s a mistake,” and took the first page back.
But she got a paper cut also and shouted interjections like “Ouch” and “Ack!”
They were bleating love. They were bleating love. They bleating love beneath the sanguine sun.
So, when you see a sheep my friend, don’t think that it is dumb.
And don’t think that it has no heart or is a lazy bum.
Anthropomorphic sheep in fact support private corporations.
They make paper goods and novels and thereby science fiction publications.
And wolves and bears do great work too when people least expect it.
But when their company succumbs to an economic crisis, the sheep will resurrect it.
And the only thing that gets in the way of progress is paper cuts galore.
So, my friend, avoid injury, and you’ll succeed, like sheep, forever more:
Cuz sheep are bleating love, bleating love, bleating love for laissez-faire. - Track Name: Three Chords
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I can’t tell you how I feel.
No words can make it seem real.
But, if I can come up with enough simple rhymes,
You might fall for me this time.
You and I belong together.
When I’m with you, I feel better.
You know how to relieve my pain.
When I talk, I know I might sound insane,
But three chords and some simple words
Is all it takes sometimes.
I can’t explain thoughts without a guitar.
This music is my mind.
Three chords and some simple words
Can get rid of the tears.
Music has a message, and punk rock says,
“I’ve been smoking for too many years.”
Come on, girl. Why don’t you take my hand?
Don’t you think that you should be impressed by my band?
I’d expect you to become an instant fan.
Our music video’s even filmed by a guy with shaky hands.
Shouldn’t you be taken in by this career of mine?
I get paid to sing songs that reveal I don’t have a life.
I play my guitar, and I write some songs.
I don’t care if copyright infringement is wrong
Because those three chords and some simple words
Is all it takes sometimes.
I can’t explain thoughts without a guitar.
This music is my mind.
Three chords and some simple words
Can get rid of the tears.
Music has a message, and punk rock says,
“I’ve acted like I’m twelve for too many years.”
So, whether it’s A, D, E, or it is
G C D, it’s either way
Got the sophistication level
Of something pre-B.C.E.
Three chords and some simple words
Is all it takes sometimes.
I can’t explain thoughts without a guitar.
This music is my mind.
Three chords and some simple words can
Get rid of the tears.
Music has a message, and punk rock says,
“I still can’t play after all of these years.” - Track Name: J. Rizzle - If I Knew You Was Comin'
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In the mid 1990s, Notorious B.I.G., who was suffering a minor cold at the time, received an invitation to the house of Everlast of House of Pain. Biggie Smalls, without hesitation, attended the reception at the House of Pain house, where the two of them sat together, eating ice cream and watching Sesame Street on that cool autumn day. But when Christopher Wallace nearly reached the end of his second cone, a sudden knock shocked Everlast as he opened the door, and who should enter but LL Cool J and Fat Joe, looking hungrier and angrier than ever. As Fat Joseph Cartagena and Ladies Love Cool James, uninvited and unwelcomed, examined the scene, the two were outraged to see that there were no sweets left for them. Some say that Everlast and LL Cool J never spoke again after this incident, and some say that they don’t remember them ever speaking before this incident. But most people say that this incident never happened at all. Yet the fighting words exchanged between these parties have finally been recorded in the annals of history:
LL Cool J:
Yo, yo, yo, me and Fat Joe
We was cruisin’ and perusin’, but now we’ve caught you on the go.
You know what I mean, I seen your Dairy Queen.
Man, that cuisine shoulda been in a magazine.
But now it seems you outta whip cream.
I dream of ice cream, and my dreams are extreme.
So hand me that chocolate, or scoop me some vanilla,
Or I’ll go crazy on you like Ghostface Killa. (OH!)
Everlast:
If I knew you was comin’
I’da baked a cake. (ONE CAKE!)
Baked a cake. (TWO CAKES!)
Baked a cake. (THREE CAKES!)
If I knew you was comin’
I’da baked a cake (FOUR CAKES!)
How do you do? How do you do? How do you do? How do you do?
(THREE HOW DO YOU DOS!)
Fat Joe:
Of course, I like cake. Make no mistake.
You make me a steak. Just keep me awake.
I went today to 50 Cent’s candy shop.
I tried out every single lollipop.
But none of them worked; ain’t satisfied.
They knew I was comin’, but they hardly tried.
Suffice it to say, I told them twice.
So, take my advice, and cut me a slice.
Everlast:
If you dropped me a letter
I’da hired a band (ONE BAND!)
Hired a band (TWO BANDS!)
Hired a band (THREE BANDS!)
If you dropped me a letter
I’da hired a band (FOUR BANDS!)
And spread the welcome mat for you.
(THANK YOU VERY MUCH!)
B.I.G.:
Now I don’t know where you comin’ from. (OVER THERE!)
And I don’t where you been. (BEEN COUNTIN’!)
But it really don’t matter.
Grab a chair and fill your platter
And dig, dig, dig right in. (THREE DIGS!)
Fat Joe:
Can’t stop the beats. Can’t lay off the sweets.
Can’t deny my treats. Can’t fit in the seats.
When my jeans get gaps though, I’ll diet perhaps.
But that music starts playing, and I bust my raps.
I bet that I’m set, and don’t you forget.
I fret, and I threat, yo, I’m starting to sweat.
Don’t care if it’s a rapper or if it’s a rocker.
You always make music for Betty Crocker!
Everlast:
If I knew you was comin’
I’da baked a cake. (ONE CAKE!)
Baked a cake. (TWO CAKES!)
Baked a cake. (THREE CAKES!)
If I knew you was comin’
I’da baked a cake (FOUR CAKES!)
How do you do? How do you do? How do you do?
(THREE HOW DO YOU DOS!)
B.I.G.:
Now I don’t know where you comin’ from. (OVER THERE!)
And I don’t where you been. (BEEN COUNTIN’!)
But it really don’t matter
Grab a chair and fill your platter
And dig, dig, dig right in. (THREE DIGS!)
LL Cool J:
What do you got against me if I don’t RSVP?
I come for my deserts and for your 4 o clock tea.
Don’t expect me to warn if I come tomorrow morn
Ever since I was born, I eat my homies’ popcorn.
When I appear here, or there make my premiere,
You better announce it loud and clear like Paul Revere.
But you got no chocolate for me now to stick on my plate.
No biggie, but I’m a big eater, and I know your cake is second rate.
Everlast:
If I knew you was comin’
I’da baked a cake. (ONE CAKE!)
Baked a cake. (TWO CAKES!)
Baked a cake. (THREE CAKES!)
If I knew you was comin’
I’da baked a cake (FOUR CAKES!)
How do you do? How do you do? How do you do?
(THREE HOW DO YOU DOS!)
How do you do? How do you do? How do you do?
(THAT’S A LOTTA HOW DO YOU DOS!)
How do you do? How do you do? How do you do?
(THAT’S EVEN MORE HOW DO YOU DOS!) - Track Name: Michal Richardson featuring J. Rizzle - Slowdown Showdown
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So, you worked in investment banking
And received a hearty spanking.
Our economy is tanking,
But it's me that you'll be thanking.
If you need to unwind,
There's a dance I've got in mind,
So get your hips aligned,
And start shaking your behind.
First, you tighten up your belt.
Boy, where you spending all that gelt?
Wave bye-bye to your real estate,
And watch your cash evaporate.
Now, get down, or you're gonna get laid off.
Next, you do the Bernie Madoff.
Yeah, I see you start to sweat.
But, baby I ain't finished yet.
You do the slowdown showdown:
It's an economic throwdown.
You might have a job today,
But tomorrow you could get mowed down.
Slowdown showdown:
It's an economic throwdown,
But, if you got the moves,
Then you won't be feeling low down.
Curse your capitalist pluck
Cuz you're running out of luck.
You were free but now you're stuck.
Boy, don't you feel like a schmuck?
Don't slip into a depression
Just cuz we're in a recession.
I know your secret confession:
Dancing's really your obsession.
First, you tighten up that belt.
Boy, where you spending all that gelt?
Wave bye-bye to your real estate,
And watch your cash evaporate.
Now, get down, or you're gonna get laid off.
Next, you do the Bernie Madoff.
Yeah, I can see you start to sweat.
But, baby I ain't finished yet.
You do the slowdown showdown.
It's an economic throwdown.
You might have a job today,
But tomorrow you could get mowed down.
Slowdown showdown:
It's an economic throwdown.
But, if you got the moves,
Then you won't be feeling low down.
You've been sitting at that desk for a long time.
Haven't you?
You're all...
Stiff.
We're going to have to
Loosen you up.
Now let me hear you say:
Foreclosure! (Foreclosure!)
Foreclosure! (Foreclosure!)
No, fore, like four! (What?) Here we go!
One, two, three four(closure)!
No, I want you to count to four! (Mybad!)
Here we go:
One, two three four!
First, you tighten up that belt.
Boy, where you spending all that gelt?
Wave bye-bye to your real estate.
And watch your cash evaporate.
Now, get down or you're gonna get laid off.
Next, you do the Bernie Madoff.
Yeah, I see you start to sweat.
But, baby I ain't finished yet.
You do the slowdown showdown:
It's an economic throwdown.
You might have a job today,
But tomorrow you could get mowed down.
Slowdown showdown:
It's an economic throwdown.
But, if you got the moves,
Then you won't be feeling low down. - Track Name: R2P2 - Trying to Fix Something
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You know I don’t even know what you call a lie anymore
Is it what you don’t believe or what you choose to ignore?
I don’t understand your gestures, and I don’t get your signs.
I don’t know what you mean, and I can’t read between the lines.
I’m trying to fix something that’s been breaking my heart.
I’m finding answers to my questions, but they’re falling apart.
I want you to tell me everything that you know is true.
And, I want you to know I have a heart the way you do.
Why don’t you tell me straight, so I don’t have to guess?
I feel so confused when you leave my mind in a mess.
So, come on now, just tell me what you mean
By the things that you’ve told me and the things that I’ve seen.
I’m trying to fix something that’s been breaking my heart.
I’m finding answers to my questions, but they’re falling apart.
I want you to tell me everything that you know is true.
And, I want you to know I have a heart the way you do.
I know that, sometimes, something’s not the way it seems.
But, when I’m not sure, I’d rather believe my dreams.
I know the truth can hurt. It can make you cry.
But, lies, but never truth, can make the innocent die.
I’m trying to fix something that’s been breaking my heart.
I’m finding answers to my questions, but they’re falling apart.
I want you to tell me everything that you know is true.
And, I want you to know I have a heart the way you do. - Track Name: A Swan Song (Just a Pleasant Goodbye)
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Hello, we meet to depart.
Here’s another message that won’t reach your heart.
I guess that this meeting is just a souvenir
Since I’m otherwise unsure about what we’re doing here.
I just want to say a pleasant goodbye.
If we don’t speak again, then have a nice life.
It seems you uninvited salutations.
On account of these vocations, goodbye.
It’s the end of the conversation.
There’s nothing left to say.
It doesn’t need to end with frustration.
But you make it seem as though there’s no other way.
I just want to say a pleasant goodbye.
If we don’t speak again, then have a nice life.
It seems you uninvited salutations.
On account of these vocations, goodbye.
It’s the end of the conversation.
There’s nothing left to say.
It doesn’t need to end with frustration.
But you make it seem as though there’s no other way.
I just want to say a pleasant goodbye.
If we don’t speak again, then have a nice life.
It seems you uninvited salutations.
On account of these vocations, goodbye. - Track Name: Leave Yourself Behind
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Close all the barn doors.
Set the wheat on fire.
Seek the things that you want to lure.
Ask what you want to inquire.
Forget that life will still go on.
Forget that, one day, they’ll cite us.
Look at the pros if you don’t want cons.
Forget that you were righteous.
And, like nature’s walls of a rainy day,
Your brain will be too blurry to find
That no matter what you think or say,
You’ll leave yourself behind.
If you have the will, you can have the thrill.
If you feel the wrong beat, you might lose your seat.
If you have bad desires that you’d rather kill,
Then try to avoid rolling around in the middle of streets.
You can change your ways, and you can change your face.
You can change your religion, and you can change your savior.
You can change the way you view the earth and space,
But know you’re not you if you change your behavior.
If you want to run away,
Understand that it wasn’t designed.
If you feel that your life can’t stay,
Then you’ll leave yourself behind.
Optimism and pessimism
Equally are blindness.
Despite all the symbolism,
The president is not your Highness.
Try to see between thin lines.
Try to see reality.
Imagine not the people that you meet in life
Nor the images that are shown on TV.
Think that you deserve to laugh,
But know that there are reasons they’ve cried.
Now for the better half,
Please leave yourself behind.
